


The Fear of Falling Apart

by lacecat (orphan_account)



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:18:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2518874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lacecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[[this is gospel for the fallen ones]]</p>
<p>Short bit of Simon/Kieran angst... until it's not, because this fandom needs some happy endings (un beta'ed)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear of Falling Apart

Simon stared at the phone in front of him. A magazine and a pint of milk was strewn on the counter to his left. In one hand, he held the twenty quid note that he has intended to give to the cashier, who was giving him a strange look at that very moment. Not that he took much notice.

In his other hand, a still-bright phone screen that had just buzzed in his pocket still showed the text message that illuminated the screen. 

_i'm sorry. it was too much._

Simon stared at those little words, and began to run. 

The cashier was probably still staring, gob-smacked, at his retreating back. Simon abandoned the groceries and began to run outside, away from the tiny, dimly lit grocery store that was one of the few places of activity in Roarton. 

Running had never been easy for Simon. When Simon's father had first forsaken his son, in that stuffy childhood room, when he had smashed a photo frame and broken his son's heart, it had taken all of Simon's willpower to not go back, to apologize, to beg, to do _anything._ Later, when Simon was frozen at the sight of a gun pointed towards Kieran, he had almost been too late to run in front of the gun, tackling Kieren and saving that dumb, reckless, _beautiful_ boy's life. 

Now, Simon could barely process his surroundings as his feet pounded down cold asphalt. People's faces were a blur as he dodged them, narrowly avoiding a collision with a few. The wind was cold on his ears, the whooshing sound barely audible in the background of his worried thoughts.

Finally, just finally, Amy's house- their house now- appeared only a hundred metres in front of him. Simon ran up to the door, crashing through like a meteor into the Earth. "Kieren! Kieren!"

No answer. Simon's blood ran cold. He could barely recall the last time he saw him- was it this morning? When Simon placed an absent-minded kiss on his forehead, when Kieran lazily demanded the latest magazine from the store? Simon was so happy that Kieren was finally coming back to him, to the present, to do dumb things like read magazines and sit through a cup of tea with his parents. That's why Simon was buying the milk, after all. 

Or was it just before Simon left, did Kieren stand in the window and wave goodbye? Was today a good day, when Kieren gathered the strength to leave his bed? After Amy died, and truth had been uncovered, he had been holed up in their bedroom for weeks on end, only sometimes snapping to the present to talk to Simon in bitter tones. The rest of the time, in which Simon would have gladly taken the insults instead, was when Kieran sat upright, his eyes open, but just staring, not a word coming from his lips. 

Simon rounded the corner into their bedroom, finally, and the meteor crashed.

Kieran was lying on the bed, so still, his pale eyelids stretched over the eyes that Simon had stared into so many times before. Beside him, a folded piece of paper, and an empty bottle of pain reliever. 

Simon faintly heard someone moaning, a pitiful noise that he only realized was coming from his own mouth too late. His knees gave out, and he could feel his heart twisting in on itself, snapping into tiny pieces that could never be glued back together. Simon collapsed, his face coming in contact with the edge of the bed that Kieran was laid on. 

"Si? What the hell?" 

Simon lifted his tear-struck face in wonder, to meet one perfectly gorgeous brown eye that was cracked open and looking at Simon like he was an insane man. That same brown eye widened when he took in Simon's wrecked expression, and Kieren sat up quickly. "Simon, what happened?" 

Simon clutched at the bedspread first, then Kieren's foot, then the soft part of his upper leg, before he stood up and straddled Kieren's lap, clutching his face and letting his tears bloom and rain. Kieren clutched at his back, still uncertain. 

Simon spoke first. "I saw the text message and thought-" his throat closed up momentarily. 

Kieren looked like he had been shot. "You thought it was like before."

Simon buried his face in Kieren's neck, not wanting to contemplate a future in which a meteor had struck the earth and only Simon remained unscathed. He felt Kieren's hand card into his hair, staying firmly on the back of his head. "I thought that it was too much, and I saw the pill bottle just now, and I thought you had just decided to go."

Kieren gave a muffled, bitter laugh of a man who has seen to much misery in his short life. "Jesus, Simon. I slashed my wrists last time anyways. I had a headache or something. And that text message, I just thought I've been a bit of a bitch recently, and demanding that you go out for that magazine was the last straw."

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Simon's throat. "I had to get milk for your parents anyway. Goddamn, Kieren, you can't- you just can't-"

He didn't finish his sentence, as he could tell that Kieren understood, and in the fucked-up circumstances that Simon had gone through already, he couldn't be bothered to say anything else for a long time.


End file.
